I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
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SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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