Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize