absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize