My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
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Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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