so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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