Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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