Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
These tits shall not be calmed
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize