So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize