this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
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I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
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Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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