i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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