LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize