I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize