new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize