ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Found the puke drawer
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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