they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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