I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize