I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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