I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize