i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
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Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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