Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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