well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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