is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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