Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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