All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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