As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
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We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize