I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize