Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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