Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
All I want is dick and wine.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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