i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize