What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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