I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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