Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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