hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize