I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
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I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
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Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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