so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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