is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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