Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
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Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
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This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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