I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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