Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
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He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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