Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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