Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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