This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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