I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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