you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize