Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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