I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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