I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
where are you?
Hypothermia
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize