I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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