Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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