I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
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