Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize